I was sitting, cross legged on the cold concrete floor of H9, listening to the president of the Drama Society spraff on happily about what the coming months had for us, when a strange person walked in. I wasn't struck by anything in particular, more this person's entirety. Even from a distance I could feel a soft warmth emanating from them. And a magnetism too - I was so compelled I didn't even really register a name! This tiny little thing waved happily at us all and talked a little about technical things. 'She's a tech geek,' I thought excitedly, 'I love tech geeks!' I could feel my cheeks burning in anticipation. I wanted to call her aside, to speak to her, to take her in. But I couldn't. For two main reasons. One, being that we were in a room full of 40 odd people, that would have looked odd, to say the least and two, I simply cannot talk to people I like properly. I say stupid things and walk in to walls, panic and sweat. So I decided not to talk to her, but to walk near her to the pub. A quick hello was murmured and on went my jacket and the various warm-keeping items that I had that day (it was two years ago, gimme a break!!) and I thought we could make the ten minute walk to the pub in a group. This would have meant that I would have remained silent and not walked in to a wall, or giggled like mad. However, I received an important phone-call and had to stay behind the gang in order to hear what the lady was telling me. And this enchanting being, not wanting me to be left behind (and also not knowing the way to the pub) decided to walk along side me. Cue panic. The first thing I did was almost walk face first in to a wall whilst talking on the phone (and desperately trying to avoid all eye contact with said lovely) which she dragged me away from said wall by the strap of my bag, then I stumbled in to a small hole, causing me to do an elaborate trip and flail madly about (yes, I'm still clutching on to this phone call and avoiding eye contact with my new companion). Then, as if by some miracle, the pub was in sight. 'If only I can get across the road without further incident then that will be fine.' And it should have been. It would have been, too, if that bloody road hadn't crept up on me, out of nowhere and plonked itself right in front of me. Yes, folks, I tripped on the tiny incline that roads are made with. The camber nearly killed me.

So despite all that (or because of all that, who knows?) she began to warm to me properly. I explained that my conversation with the lady on the other end of the call was about seeking information on dyspraxia. She agreed that this was a good idea after seeing the previously described display of sheer and utter clumsiness. What I didn't explain to her was that her presence was making me worse. Ten times worse. I wanted to die of embarrassment, but I also wanted to kiss her badly. So we began talking and she mentioned the disgusting g-word - 'Oh yeah my girlfriend recommended I join up for something to do with my time and training' or words to that effect. You can imagine my wish to die increased momentarily, but as soon I realised she was off the market, I relaxed. Well that and I had about 3 or 4pints of beer to still my beating heart and calm my flailing limbs. We talked almost exclusively all night about our lives. I could feel a friendship healing the wounds of my chipped heart. That, and I decided to play the long game!! A year of similar nights, break ups, get-togethers and various other things would fly in and before I knew it, we were tangled in each others arms on her bed after staying up all night listening to Amanda Palmer and Flogging Molly and talking.

Sweet, no? There is one slightly awkward twist (as the title of this blog page may reflect) she wasn't really what her biology claimed her to be. I had noticed over the time we were 'just friends' that she came over much more as a little geek guy. But, not wanting to assume anything, I kept quiet and merely expressed my own desires to dress up as a boy from time to time, just to test the water. This was met with curiosity and excitement. Then finally talk turned to gender dimorphism and I could really see the battle she was having with her gender. All I wanted to do was help. My heart lurched in about 42 different directions. So we would talk behind closed doors about packers and chest binders and the various options open to transmen. Then the night of the getting together happened and for me there seemed to be no going back. I was suddenly gloriously happy in this relationship with this gender confused person and it was, as all new relationships are, crushingly delightful. My heart had gone from being a sort of limp purply colour to bursting with skittles and electricity.

As those happy days soared by, it became even more apparent to him that he was indeed him. We wept together, held hands and I furiously swore to stand by him no matter what. I would wander into the fray with my hand tucked firmly in his, and with a set jaw. Nothing was going to knock me. NOTHING!!

And, ladies, gentlemen and any gender-queers out there, I can say that, so far, the only things that have made me wobble are really things like not fully comprehending the sheer amount of stress he's under while I struggle through my last year and a half of university and not really respecting that he doesn't always show his stress until it has been bottled for a while and then pops out and smacks me in the face in the middle of Waverly Station. Our families haven't necessarily understood, but they have now reached a level of understanding. My parents call him his chosen name, but still give him female gender pro-nouns. That's ok with me. And his parents, after some difficulty are coming round.

Our friends are a different matter. The response was COMPLETELY unexpected. I'll show you what I mean in a minute. We had spent time being careful to only mention it to one or two close friends as a tester to make sure that he and I both had people in our corner, and then we decided to make it public by outing him on facebook and the response... well the response was unbelievable, as you can see!! (if I manage to upload the thing successfully!!)

This picture helps both him and me through our tricky spots. Really. It's a constant reminder, that while things are hard and he may feel alone while I support him on his journey, he's not alone, and I am most definitely not the only one along on the ride with him. The support and warmth we feel from our friends is nothing short of over-whelming.

And so I will end here, and keep you all up-to-date with hormones and quibbles/wobbles. Thank you for taking the time to read this!