Gender pronouns

This is an unexpected issue on my part. I have become fiercely protective and yet highly confused about gender pronouns. I have found myself speaking about people I have always know to be female as 'him' and the other way round. This was initially quite funny to me, and M and I would giggle over it happily. Now, it's verging on frustrating. especially seeing as I have a MtF (male to female) friend whom I often talk about. I keep panicking that I'm being offensive to her and to M some how by getting this all muddled up. M insists that I am not, but I cannot help feeling that he's keeping these things to himself. It might be easier for him that way, as he knows that if I get distressed about it, chances are I'll do it more, because of my nerves (look at how I was with the wall in the post below). Who knows. Anyway... I've learned not to fuss about it. I will slip up. So will you, if you know people going through a similar thing. The more you relax about it and practise (sounds silly but I have spent the last month saying 'boyfriend' and so on a lot to get more used to the idea) the easier it will sound each time one of those words rolls off your tongue and hits the ether.

However, the protectiveness I'm finding hard to deal with. Initially, as posted, I was ok with my parents using his chosen name, but not necessarily using the right gender pronoun. Now, I'm finding it hard to bite my tongue with them. I know it is hard for them, but I can't help but want to scream at them that this isn't how you get to deal with this. I want M to feel comfortable when we go home, and I can't help but feel that if they don't at least try to use the right gender pronoun, it will eventually crack through his resilience and start to hurt him and knock his confidence. I don't want that. Nor can I cope with it. I found it hard enough when my mother constantly referred to my girlfriends as my 'friend' and this is ten times harder for them and us to deal with. But, I have to keep reminding myself, they do still welcome us in to their home, with an open-door policy and generosity of spirit. I'm just hoping that, as the years go by, this will fade. I think it will. I'm sure it will. I don't sound too confident, do I??

Friends tend to stumble and fall over it. That's fine with both of us. They met her as R and it IS difficult to remember when someone changes their name, let alone changing their name AND gender. But they are always apologetic, and then I comfort them with reminding them that I still get it wrong from time to time. That's fine. I don't worry too much about them, it's not out of some kind of lack of willing to face up to it (which is what I think my parents are doing) but more just habit-breaking. I don't think we can ask for more than that.

So, my advice (if I have any) to partners and friends of those transitioning is to practise and be patient with yourself, it won't come to you over night.

Love and snuggles,

S